Sex Work Should Be
A Honorable Legalized Profession

Legitimate Choice by Willing Women & Men

A very wise note from a provider in Dallas written in our guestbook says:

"It's absolutely ridiculous that it's an illegal profession, because the guys I see are so normal and just want some company, to see someone's "smile" and warmth...and of course the sex...usually they are not getting elsewhere. I see this occupation as very healthy since it provides so much to a man and the woman also. Not often can the man find the convenience of a woman who is sexy and willing to cater undivided attention to his desires and the woman able to fulfill her most needed financial desires. And both are usually/hopefully smiling and happy with the experience...for myself, I am elated to have someone so pleased with me, and also because I have usually made his happiest part of the week or month...whatever it be. As the old saying goes when someone has an awesome experience, "this should be a crime"...did someone think that was meant to be literal??

I'm really into thinking good about yourself. I think this business should be a win-win situation for everyone. Since you are into counseling, you know what I mean. That's really my intention...and I do offer my friendship to my clients. This business really gets bad hype, but it is so ironic that I have found it for me and my clients to be such an uplifting experience. Besides from the risks, I think it to be one of the most positive jobs there is.
Dave says: First of all, I deplore any sex work by anyone under age 18, or anyone forced either by economic circumstances or worse, forced by a pimp or boyfriend into sex work (I prefer that term to prostitution). Only those that make this a career choice for themselves and are emotionally mature enough to deal with the issues should ever consider it. It is the worst possible choice for someone who feels selling their bodies is all they are good for, or sex is the only way to experience "love" based on past abuse experiences. This is terrible and I abhor any suggestion that this is in any way good. However, for mature, emotionally stable women, "sex work" should be legalized and such workers deserve support, not ridicule. In this report I will be assuming a female sex worker. But there is also a need for loving male sex workers to help women. I am also assuming a heterosexual orientation, although I am also very supportive of gays and lesbians who are simply as God created them. There is nothing wrong biblically with homosexuality; it’s the false teachings of tradition that are the abomination.

Many Men Have No Idea Of How To Please A Woman
Where Are They Going To Learn?

Maximum sexual pleasuring techniques, are learned skills? Only the very basics come naturally which are not always the most enjoyable. But when we have been taught that sex is so dirty that we must save it for marriage, and then only have one partner, how do we learn maximum pleasure sharing? Sexual pleasure sharing is learned just as walking and talking is learned, by experience and practice. Often we fear our sexuality based on society, religion or past unpleasant experiences. Therefore, we are often unable to experience and learn the full beauty of sexual pleasure sharing. When we think of sex, we usually only think of intercourse, but it involves much more.


Whole body sexuality can be even more loving and intimate with no concern about disease. Having our naked bodies caressed all over and warmly held with love and affection is as vital to our emotions as eating and drinking is to our health. For women, intercourse is often not the best way for maximum pleasure, but many men do not know how to give a woman maximum pleasure. Too many men want to manipulate a woman too much like a pinball machine. Tantra sex techniques which is based on women’s pleasure and sexual healing should be learned by men as well as such basics as G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation should be part of any High School sex education program. But since its about women's pleasure it is often ignored. Many women don’t even know of their own multifaceted potential for sexual pleasure.

I encourage sex workers to teach real intimacy skills instead the typical male idea of sex such as this woman describes:

Don't just zero in on the "Big Three" erotic zones and manipulate me like a pinball machine. Do play with my body and I will joyfully play with yours. We will become children again as we discover great joys, and we will be free and creative. Your will try things and we will find new areas of pleasure in both of our bodies.

Don't pretend that you're a vibrator at the head of my clitoris. Some women may like hard, but others prefer a light touch.

Don't be a jackhammer with your penis. Variation is more exciting until the end when a change of rhythm can be disconcerting when a climax is near.

When I am moist and you are hard enter with reverence, that first penetration. Feed me slowly and easily.

Don't be a fucker. Fuckers are boy scouts who think a fire is started by rubbing two genitals together at a fast pace. Fuckers think that they can "make me cum."   No one can "make me" cum.

Don't pull out without warning. Would you pull a chair out from under me?

Don't ask "Have you made it yet?" I'm not having sex just to make it. I am having sex with you to enjoy it. Orgasm, for both of us, may or may not come. It is silly to go on and on into exhaustion trying to make me cum. Sex should not be an obstacle race or an athletic event..

The time following sex is the most intimate time we can share with another human being. Don't just run off or fall asleep

Sex Workers Need to Also Be Human Not Just Mechanical

For example: The session was relieving but pretty mechanical. Brooke is not in the business of providing companionship -- she's in the business of jacking guys off. She was very energetic about it, but she needs to learn the secrets of rhythm, that faster does not necessarily make better, that slow and sensual is sometimes better. The session included some lap dancing, but she draped a washcloth (a little rough there, Brooke) on me before proceeding to grind away. She didn't object to me caressing and licking her breasts, but there was no reaction -- again, this was not a reciprocal experience for her.  And she needs to lose the Wrigley's Spearmint that was in her mouth the whole time and quit calling me "Sweetie."

Door fee was $30, and I opted for the $100 show. Overall evaluation: A decent, not superb, handjob from a very pretty lady who did a professional job of getting me off but who wasn't interested in enriching the experience with even a smidgen of small talk.

When We Share Sexually, We Grow
 


We do not "give ourselves away" by sharing sexually. When we share knowledge, we each gain more. The knowledge we share is not reduced but expanded through reaction and sharing with others. Likewise in sexual sharing we don't lose it, we share it and grow. If at some point an exclusive relationship is desired, sexual pleasure in that relationship will be enhanced by previous experimentation and experiences with a selective but wider range of trusted intimate friends.


Sex workers could be a vital source of healing by teaching and letting people experience different sexual and intimacy skills with a variety of people. Later the wife might appreciate the help of the sex worker that helped teach him good intimacy skills. In California sex surrogates provide healing but usually only where there is severe sexual dysfunction. Non dysfunctional people also need to learn intimacy skills and enjoy sex.

Monogamy Is Not Natural


A study of sexuality throughout human history shows it is very difficult to find societies that were monogamous. The natural order seems to be the desire for sexual variety in humans just like in most other primates. Today we live in very unusual times where in much of the Western world, monogamy is forced by religious beliefs. Christianity in particular has falsely translated scriptures and embraced a sex-negative view, which is totally unjustified by true biblical Christianity.

The View of A Sex Worker


One sex worker said "I don't think there’s anything inherently wrong with sex work. The problem with being a sex worker is that we live in a sex-negative, misogynist society. If we all thought sex was an important and vital need - as vital as food, which people pay for all the time - the people who perform sex for money, who provide that service, would be valued. It’s that simple. In my utopian vision of the world, sex work wouldn't disappear, it would increase. People wouldn't be ashamed to say they have sexual needs. They would be able to get sex when they needed it, to pay for it. And the people who provided that service would be valued."

Pay A Fair Price For Good Touch - Like Good Food


Sharing good sexuality for its medical as well as emotional benefits is just as important as attractive food. Just like you go to a good restaurant, and pay a fair price for beautifully prepared food, you should be willing to support sex workers by paying a fair price to have important sensual touch needs met by an attractive woman. This is a legitimate need, especially for single men or whose wives are not providing enough good touch.

Variety Is the Spice of Life ...And Sex


Just because a concert hall exists doesn't mean people aren't going to want to listen to the stereo. People are going to want the same essential thing in different formats. Just because you have really great sex with your partner, doesn't mean you don't enjoy other variety. Ideally there wound be more services and the people who provide those services would be supported and valued as they are in other societies. Not that there aren't people now who value sex workers, but very few are willing to express this in public due to society’s negative sexual views and silly sex laws based on our sexual immaturity. As it is now sex workers are simultaneously prized and reviled for what they provide. Some very much see themselves as healers. But when the rest of the world views you as trash, it's hard to stand up and declare "But look, I'm a healer." So the stigma is often the most difficult thing to deal with.

A Reader's Reaction From Europe


Well, I'm here in Amsterdam and have been reading this thread on legal prostitution. Frankly, I have been a little surprised at the level of discussion.

Prostitution is legal in most countries, including all the European community countries. It is licensed, regulated, etc. I think its a good thing. Whether it has lead to a reduction in crimes against women or not, I think would be hard to prove. More interesting to me, at least, is how the ease of sexual out-letting changes the dynamics in man/woman relationships...and it is reasonably safe as crossing the street

For $400 you can fly to London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, or Hamburg and have all the professional sex you want. Yet I don't see many of the people talking about it doing it.

Latin Culture’s More Mature View

Latin's hold their mothers in high respect. Many have long three part names that includes both mother and father’s last name as they carry mothers' name out of love and respect. Although much of Latin America is devout Catholic, prostitution allows Latin’s to remain respectful of female relatives (would never "hit" on them sexually), but allows men to express their sexuality without the hang-ups of Americans. Prostitutes are the steam valves in the society. For example, in Mexico prostitution while not actually legal, a woman practicing the noble profession of pleasing men must be registered. She obtains a heath certificate and must be checked for diseases once a month. She is only arrested if she does not register. Most Mexicans respect prostitutes as professionals. They serve a worthwhile purpose. If only the U.S. were as mature.

In Jewish Israel Prostitution Not Illegal And Not An Issue For Biblical Christians

Tel Aviv is known for its prostitutes. Any beachside hotel will be packed with gorgeous ladies. The city has over 150 brothels, mostly stocked with Russian women as well as natives. This is also more in line with biblical values as Hebrews and early Christians could have as many wives and concubines (breeders) as they could afford. Nowhere in the original biblical texts is there anything wrong with these relationships. Only traditional twisting of the original Greek/Hebrew texts by translators in the Middle Ages have resulted in our repressive Christian values. We specialize in helping Christians understand the reasons and facts about biblical Christian sexual issues and have over 2000 subscribers worldwide to our newsletter.

In Denmark Disabled Provided Sex


In Denmark, Danes have decided that citizens who are disabled need sex too, and should have equal access to prostitutes. To that end, some cities have arranged for social workers to escort disabled people to prostitutes for 30-minute visits. A city official explained that sexual help to a physically or mentally handicapped person offers him or her a much higher quality of life and helps uplift spirits.

Mental patients get cut-rate prostitutes in Amsterdam


Once a month male patients from a Dutch psychiatric hospital pile into a minibus and head for the Club d'Amour in Maastricht's red-light district for half an hour of cut-price sex with prostitutes. The visits are arranged by Cecile aan de Stegge, chairwoman of the Netherlands Association of Psychiatric Nursing, for patients of the Vijverdal psychiatric hospital, near Maastricht. She's concerned that the sexual rights of patients are being neglected. "Some patients wanted sex and were going to brothels and being badly treated. "I felt that if patients were going to have sex and they wanted to see a prostitute, then this need should be respected and they should do it in a clean and safe place.''

The price of the sex sessions have been reduced for the patients from $63 to $38 by club owner Madam Nathalie. "The prices are subsidized by the club,'' she said, "But it doesn't matter. I worked as a psychiatric nurse for 12 years, and I know these men have sexual feelings that need to be expressed.''

A hospital nurse waits in the club's reception room while the men visit the prostitutes selected by Madam Nathalie. "Not every girl is suitable for this task,'' she said. "It is mainly a question of feelings, patience and sympathy. With my nursing background the patients are in safe hands.

" I told one patient, 'You can have as many orgasms as you like in half an hour.' The man didn't believe his ears and shot upstairs to the girls.''

United States vs. Europe View of Supporter

I wish you the best of luck with repealing the "Sex Industry" laws.

As the "Land of the Free" it is rather odd that we have some of the most repressive laws on personal freedoms and 'victimless crimes'.

I just got back from Europe. The locals view us as very uptight, and immature (sexually, and in regards to cigarettes and alcohol). Heck in most places your can buy a cigarette or a beer at 15 or visit a prostitute at 16. All legal. Here we like to pretend we are above that, while it all goes on underground in a unsafe fashion.

Please note that in most areas of Europe you can't get a driver's license until your 18. The logic is better than ours. By the time you can drive, you've gotten over the drinking that most people do when the are suddenly legal. Cigarettes they just don't see a problem with.

And prostitution is an accepted alternative to affairs. You don't find topless clubs there though. I guess if you don't want sex, it just cost less.

It seems that the older I get the more stupid our country seems to me. We spend so much time on victimless crime (smoking, drinking, sex, speeding, seatbelts, suicide) that we can't keep the violence down. I have been in combat zones that were safer than some areas of the USA. Sad.

In The U.S. Sex Work Can Make You Lonely and Isolated

Unless you have a strong supportive relationship, as you get exposed to a lot of loneliness, you can soak that up and it can be very painful. You're also very isolated. If you're a sex worker, you don't get to come home and complain about your work. The fundamental concept of sex work in this society is that it’s wrong, so people don't want to hear how hard it is. They'll just say, "So why do you do it?" Of course you do it because you've got to work like anybody else, but that doesn't wash with people. There’s this whole insidious judgment that keeps sex workers very isolated.

Sex Workers Have To Put Up With Lots Of Garbage from Clients
 


For example as one reviewer said: As most of you who have followed the reviews of Chelsea since October know, she is very new to this profession, and has not had much experience running a business in the past. It seems the poor girl is being baptized by fire. She initially charged too little which resulted in more business than she could handle, she got busted once, was robbed by a client, who later returned a few days later and tried to rob her a second time and he beat her because she had no money on her. She has had to move her operation every week because she is being stalked. And on top of that, people are calling setting up appointments and not showing (sound familiar?).

As a result of these experiences, she is getting more street wise. She is implementing some things to make getting in touch with her easier (better email set up, and she is going to verify appointments by calling back a client to ensure you really ordered the pizza).

The Positive Side to Sex Workers
 



One woman said "It has given me a view of the society’s relationship to sexuality, where the rubber meets the road, that I couldn't have gotten anywhere else. I get to be inside this huge lab, observing and participating in my own way in human behavior. It’s given me absolutely invaluable insights into the human condition that I couldn't otherwise get. As time has gone by, it’s also given me the ability to empathize with human frailty, to understand that we're all imperfect people in an imperfect world. And it’s served me well financially".

Self Esteem, Emotional & Early Retirement Problems

One of the biggest problems is the short time one usually can be effective in the industry since you have to cater to the whims of public tastes. Your early years, when you're young and pretty, are your peak earning years. It’s brutal to be faced with usually having to retire at the age of 25 or 30. Gravity takes a toll on your breasts, your face starts to show some wrinkles and you're no longer the cute chick that men fantasize about. It’s important to understand that and capitalize on that as much as you can. Get a financial advisor, invest your money, save it, and plan what you're going to do next, because there are so many sex workers who end up with nothing. A tiny Asian 19, very cute - said this guy didn't want to be with her once she started talking about how she was majoring in physics. Sadly some men seem to want women dumb so they won't feel inferior.

Sex work is very emotional - it’s performance and relationships. Both of which can be tremendously emotionally draining. You have to take time to get away and find a supportive relationship to keep sane. You need to spend time processing, figuring out who you are, what your limits are, what you're willing to do for what amount of money, and sticking by that.

Gigolos vs. Whores
 

Sexism is very apparent in the sex industry. Gigolos are romanticized - like, oh, you're a big stud - because sex supposedly builds men up and tears women down. That’s wrong. For men sex is expected and natural, why shouldn't it be the same for women?

The Healing Powers of Sex
 

Dr. Reed Moskowitz, director of New York University Medical Center, author of "Your Healing Mind", says studies show that sex can bolster the immune system, relieve pain, ease some types of migraine headaches and have important psychological benefits. In sex the body releases its powerful endorphins, natural pain relievers that create a healing, relaxing situation for the whole body.

Dr. David Sobel and Robert Ornstein in their book "Healthy Pleasures" document studies showing the connection between sex and good health. "Love, Sex and Your Heart" shows sex can reduce heart disease.

Dr. Dudley Chapman, professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Ohio University did a study showing those with intimacy in their lives had better levels of T cells- the while blood cells that effect the immune system.

Other studies show sex on a regular basis reduces stress, helps alleviate PMS in some women, and that orgasm is a natural analgesic.

Researchers debate the mechanisms of sexual first aid. One theory is that the endorphins activated by orgasm travel to receptor sites throughout the body and produce a morphine-like effect.

Sex is extremely important for good mental health shows a long-term study of 37,500 adults at the Institute for Advanced Human Sexuality. People with fulfilling sex lives were found to be in much better mental health, more relaxed, more positive outlook, more self-reliant.

"A tender sex life helps bring out the best qualities we have", says Roger Falge, a marriage therapist. And when that happens, the ills of both mind and body are more readily healed.

To me, caring intimacy and good touch expressing love for another person, even if just for the moment is much more meaningful to me that just having sex. Many men would also find they would enjoy this but have never been shown how wonderful more caring intimacy can be. Many men think they achieve intimacy from sex but most women only settle for sex but really want more intimacy. Having sex is easy. Sharing intimacy is much more complex. We specialize through intimacy workshops, writings and speaking at many national swing conventions, in showing people how to relate more intimately in their relationships, which has helped a large number of people.

Sample Of A Wonderful Prostitution Experience
for Both Customer and Sex Worker
 


From Ashley of Cafe au Lait Escort Agency in New York. Ashley is an Asian African, 19 years old. She attends a New York City University and says:
 


"You've asked me about my sessions and what I think a good session consists of. Let me say that after the financial considerations, I like tenderness and I like to experience orgasm. I actually get into being a "date" and many men make these times some of the most enjoyable in my life. I'm in the business because I like it, not only for the money but also the sex and intimacy. I like most of the men, especially the one who made my day in the narrative that follows.

I hear him close the door behind me. For a moment I stand there with a sense of anxiety. I see the money nicely laid out for me. He sits in a nice sturdy chair. I wander across the room, lean over him and start kissing him gently on the temples, by his eyes and on his cheek. I pull up my skirt to mid-thigh so I can kneel on top of him, my legs on either side. "Do you mind?" I ask. With a wide smile, his hand moves to my cheek, as he says "No." "Okay", I say as I gently kiss him on his lips. I learn forward and we continue kissing. No rush. How many different ways could we enjoy a kiss? I turn my head slightly to avoid a deep soul kiss and make up for things by offering him much more nuzzling and lip tenderness. Our hands start exploring, lightly, then strengthening into a tight hug. It's so nice to feel comfortable like this in a man's arms. His hands on my back slip under my sweater, rubbing my back, moving up. His hands move around to the front, feeling my breasts through my bra. I unbutton his shirt, stroking and kissing his chest. I take off my top and press my full breasts against his chest. He cups my face in his hands stroking my cheek, my hair, then gently explores my breasts and rubs my nipples. His one hand slips under my skirt, moving up my leg toward my hips. Then he caresses my thighs. I'm feeling very excited. My hands stroke his back and shoulders. His hands move higher. His fingers find my wetness as he slips his fingers inside me. He pulls my head to him and kisses me. His thumb stroking me outside, his fingers are moving inside me. I rest my head against his shoulder.

I want him to take his pants off. I unbutton them and he slides out. I press my full body against his. We kiss again, holding each other trying to become one. I sit on his lap. He pulls me down on him slowly and fills me with his penis. His hand moves to my clitoris, stroking back and forth, feeling it build. He arches back, pushing further into me. I start to deliberately clench and unclench my vulva using my PC muscles to lovingly squeeze his penis in me. He moves under me, up and down. In and out. So full. I start loosing control. He pulls me tighter. I hear his breath in my ear, feel him moving under me. "Orgasm" is such a pale word for what we experience. But "cum" is worse. We lay together for long afterglow, stroking each others face and holding our bodies together as we come down to earth."

United States vs. Europe View of Supporter

Dave’s Comments:


For the client it was like buying a great dinner for a date. But instead of not knowing if he will "score" afterwards, he gets a wonderful fulfilling sexual experience that our sick society somehow tries to make wrong and a crime.

The above example shows better sexuality than many long-married couples enjoy. Men can be shown by such experiences how wonderful sexuality can be, when it's so much more than just thrusting. Sex workers can serve as teachers to help men be more sensitive and mature in their sexuality, which may greatly enhance their future, non-prostitute sexual relationships.


Prostitution should be a legitimate worthwhile profession just as any other that helps people with their emotional needs or a good dinner to meet the natural desire for good food. Good nourishing sex is just as important to emotional wellbeing as nourishing food is to one's physical wellbeing.

Another Example of Positive Sex Work
 


By K.C. Rourke, A Sex Worker
Shared with her permission and enthusiastic support.


A middle-aged man walks into a massage parlor. He’s short, potbellied and balding, with thick glasses, typical "nerd" attire, and all the signs of being scared to death. He picks me out of the lineup, and follows me into the room. As soon as the door closes, he blurts out, "Look, I'm a virgin and women won't have anything to do with me. I'm never going to get laid unless I pay for it. I have $300 - what do I have to pay you and let’s get this over with!"

While "serious" psychologists sometimes sneer at sexual research as frivolous, after K.C. hears so many outbursts like that, she perhaps is in a better place to really understand psychology than all the students with the heads buried in textbooks.

She may be in an unpopular profession, by society’s standards, but she has much wisdom saying, "Not only is comfortable sexuality necessary for emotional health, but also that more people are damaged in their sexual self-images than in almost any other area where self-worth is at risk. Freud’s theories, skewed as they were by his own internal sexual conflicts, still demonstrate how powerful a force sexuality is in shaping personal reality."

The good news is that sexuality can be powerful for healing emotional damage and building self-esteem. Some "sex workers" are better healers than psychologists are. Unfortunately, others are also just in it for the money, wanting to use men and get all they can.

K.C.’s background is not unusual for a future sex worker. As a child she liked to please others and make them happy, but often felt isolated and lonely. She was very intellectual and books were her friends not other people. She was also piggy. Chubby, asthmatic, pedantic, and lonely and universally loathed for showing off and getting into trouble. Yet she was too lonely to turn into a hermit, and just didn't have it in her to "protect" herself by being a bully. She felt fanatic about not letting anybody feel as rejected as she did if she had a way to prevent it.


By age 13 she was losing fat and would have been pretty if her mother hadn't dressed her funny. She studied hard (as a way to hide from a world that wasn't fair-where almost nobody accepted her). Later she did well at work but felt used and rejected, useful, but not needed.

"Sex, though, was another matter. I discovered that being a girl made you very important indeed - to boys. Like many unpopular girls, I found sex early and used it to get strokes. The downside was being socially unacceptable, but then, what was new?" Typical of woman with damaged self-images, she went through relationships that ranged from unsuccessful to dangerously destructive.

Her first steps back into the human race was when she started to recognize men’s fragile emotions and that their defensive games were just like hers. Now more mature, she could help men by being a friend. She found she could make men feel safe and be trusted by men. She could have used this trust to take advantage of men, getting high on the power of control, like many in the sex business do. However, she thanks her mother for not going that way, remembering mother always asking her "How would you feel if that were you?" She started using sex as a key to people’s hiding places. Sex drove the distrust away just far enough that you could talk, and listen, and not be too defensive. She made friends and felt needed, which felt wonderful. Then she starting making friends with herself and started to feel OK about who she really was.

She started moonlighting from her mainstream jobs first by topless dancing and progressed from "comic relief" to being sought after by clubs. That brought out the exhibitionist in her and went into stripping and adult modeling. She started an agency for adult models and earned a reputation for giving them fair pay. It was nice feeling needed.

Then at thirty she took a job at a massage parlor. She was scared since this was "the real thing". Everything she'd heard or read said this was utter degradation. But sometimes when you face the thing you're scared the most of, you find out it isn't what you thought. "The first person who picked me out of the lineup was one of the nicest men I've ever been with. He made it very easy for me, and I had fun and felt even better because I could see how relieved he was that I was nice!" Later she met not so nice men but learned to pick and choose whom she wanted to be with. She also never would take abuse from anyone no matter how much the money offered.

Through many years at the massage parlor she learned much about people. She helped some favorite "causes" like abused children. She was making a few positive changes in the world and it felt good. She realized she was being a healer - and the healing went both ways.

One of the biggest hazards of the work is living in a society of shame-twisted people, where you exist in a climate of social condemnation; it’s easy to start condemning yourself - a sort of slow suicide. Looking back, she can understand why sex work can be a ticket to self-destructive behavior. You can't tell who you are to your mother, straight friends, police, or the Church. Often sex workers wind up with an exploiting partner, a drug or drinking problem, and a sense of despair. However, she had good support and her own self-esteem didn't depend on what others felt about her work. She became the opposite of what she had been in childhood, but as the result of a profession that often drives women to low self-esteem. She has survived and grown for 20 years since she first got into the sex business. She shares illustrations of how sexuality can help heal emotional damage


"First, let’s get that poor baby I mentioned at the start of this story off the hook (the virgin with $300). No, I didn't take his $300. As a matter of fact, I didn't take anything more than the massage fee; I didn't want to reinforce his feeling that money was the only valuable thing he had. I DID take his virginity. We talked a lot about how he felt, about women, and about how he could build some good, warm, loving friendships with them. It turned out he wasn't middle aged at all - he was 24 and just LOOKED that way. He was a very nice person. Later I let him contribute a little to my support, when it wasn't a matter of extortion. We've been friends for a long time, though we don't play any more since he got married.


I've met a lot of guys like him. They're usually either strange looking or think they are and believe girls only go with good-looking guys. I've learned there are two kinds of looks that cause problems for people - very homely and very pretty. Homely people are afraid of rejection, and pretty people are afraid nobody cares about THEM, just about their looks. The solution for both ailments is the same: remember that everybody else is scared of rejection too and that if you make people feel valued and accepted, you'll make real friends. The world is full of lonely people; they're not hard to find."

Sex can be a powerful tool that can be used for good or evil. Some sex workers use it for great good, others to take advantage of and hurt people. "As my father used to say, a tool is whatever it's being used for. You can use a hammer to build a cathedral, to tear down an outhouse, to bash in somebody’s head, or to prop a door open. You can hammer your thumb or you can put it in the garage and not use it at all. Sex is the same way."

Examples of Letters
To Liberated Christians from Men

Liberated Christians has fellowship groups limited to couples and single women due to the need for gender balance. We receive many letters from women on how our ideas have been so helpful in reclaiming and achieving greater sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction. Unfortunately, other than our newsletters and reports, we have not been able to offer single men as much direct support. However, we get many letters from men that strongly show the need for caring, sex workers. Just two examples of many:


"I’m a single man age 29 who has never had a girlfriend, never so much as held hands with a woman. Not so much that I’m shy as terrified of rejection. Don’t have any idea how to get close to a woman. All attempts to get to know women in a romantic way have failed. Need confidence with a woman in a bad way. Need a female therapist or prostitute to help me, show me affection, talk about sex, let me get aroused, maybe even engage in some foreplay. Not looking for actual sex, just experience relating to a woman in a romantic way to build my confidence. Hoping to have regular sessions with such person. If I went to a prostitute, how would I find someone who’s good at the above?"

Another letter where we could help the writer with Christian issues. This shows not only the terrible harm of repressive false religious teachings but where the right caring sex worker might also be of help:

"I’m a single male, still a virgin, brought up in a strict Christian home - taught that sex was only for marriage and only for procreation. I have many sexual feelings, but cannot express them, because I’m too inhibited. It hurts. I want and need to feel the physical love and pleasure a woman can provide, but feel like that part of me has been amputated. I can’t even ‘hit’ on a woman, because of my upbringing. I’ve often resigned myself to accepting that I’ll die a virgin.

Funny thing is I’m quite an attractive person, very fit with a great body and well endowed. I think women shy away from me because they expect such a ‘macho’ looking guy would of course make the first move on a woman. But I can’t, and so nothing happens, and I even feel women find me unattractive because none will approach me to initiate a relationship."

Learning to be intimate is desired by some men:
Another letter to Liberated Christians says:
 

Thanks for your prompt reply & your advise. This morning, I spent reading your articles I got off the net about "Have we forgotten how to make love", the Human Awarness Institute, & Esalen massage. I think my real problem is the barriers traditional Christianity & the World has created. I have no idea how to be intimate without going overboard. By what I mean is that there is nothing in my experience of how to be close, to be intimate without the sex.

Some Men Employ Sex Workers
Not Due To Need - But Enjoyment

A sex worker says regarding someone using a prostitute as a last resort: "You keep using the word "resort" as if it was an insult. I have clients who are handsome, intelligent, and wealthy and personally secure. They enjoy my company not because they "have" to but because they "want" to...and they can afford to."

Sociologist’s Report Says
There are Many Happy Hookers!

Sadly when we think of "hookers" we think of the drug-addicted streetwalker. But most sex workers are far different from this image. Most would never dream of working that way with all the dangers and risk of arrest. Most are far smarter and happier than the desperate streetwalker who should not be even considered within the definition of a sex worker.

Temple University sociologist Dr. Leonard Savitz in The Journal Of Sex Research, did a study that showed that 60 percent of prostitutes enjoy sex with their customers and 100 percent experienced more fulfilling sex lives with their private lovers. In addition, 72 percent of prostitutes surveyed say they’ve benefited from sexual knowledge acquired from their profession. And 78 percent believe the average American housewife would be better off sexually if she became a prostitute for a few months.


"The prostitutes we questioned described enjoyment in their private life as especially high - certainly higher than the general public has reported," says Dr. Savitz. "The image of sexually non responsive prostitutes is simply not borne out." Dr. Savitz based his findings on responses from 46 Philadelphia prostitutes who had been arrested on charges of soliciting sex.

Not Everyone Is Against Sex Workers!
 


The computer service Prodigy took a member poll in 1994. Two-thirds of the nearly 19,000 members who took the poll on whether or not prostitution should remain a crime or be taken off the books, thought it should be decriminalized. Some 60% have no objection to prostitution on moral grounds, and 55% feel it is not a danger to the community. 71% even think that legalization might help control the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Compared to other crimes members ranked prostitution low in seriousness and most similar to other victimless crimes. It is also interested to note that in other Prodigy polls about 65% of Prodigy users consider themselves politically conservative.

As a sex worker replied to a comment that even the cops want to see prostitution remain illegal because it gives them a "problem" to "deal with" said: "Also because we’re far easier to arrest and we don’t shoot back. Better yet, armed robbers and murders can’t usually be coerced into giving a blow job in the back seat to forget the bust."

20/20 Television Show "Sex For Sale"
 

A provocative report that could change your mind about "sex for sale".  A realistic step forward in changing public attitudes toward prostitution aired June 27th featuring 20/20 correspondent John Stossal with guests from both sides of the issue.  For excellent review of show see Comes Naturally - A Showcase for Prostitutes' Rights by David Steinberg printed in spectator magazine and on their great site. See report hyperlink previously shown for this report.  The current issue of their great magazine can be found at http://www.spectatormag.com

A View From Down Under
 

About various countries that have legalized prostitution: "It’s legal to varying degrees here in Australia. There are about 5 brothels within walking distance of my house and another 10 or so within a 10-minute drive. It’s all very low key. I’ve never seen reports on any problems in the newspapers and the papers report the smallest crimes. Maybe someday (like when hell freezes over) the USA (where I’m from) will get its shit together and legalize and tax it."

On the Lighter Side
Some of my favorite quotes are from Catherine La Croix, Executive Director, COYOTE/Seattle: The Sex Workers Rights Organization.  Used with her permission.

" I have an agreement with my clients. They don’t treat me as an object and I don’t treat them as a cash machine...mutual respect...it works for me."

"I am proud of what I consider an honorable profession and motivated by neither fear or greed. I’m a tall brunette with long legs, a fit figure, striking green eyes, full lips and an IQ of 142. Consequently, I can think, converse and moan simultaneously. I suffer fools badly..."

"It never ceases to amaze me that men want to marry a virgin but date a whore. And then complain about the cost."

Ads: Body Parts in Phoenix vs.
Warm Spirits in San Francisco

I exchange publications with Kat Sunlove, publisher of Spectator Magazine in San Francisco. Spectator has excellent articles I read weekly in addition to the sex ads like in the Phoenix Beat. It is interesting that virtually all the ads in the Beat are nothing more than luring body parts with virtually no ads even hinting at something more meaningful. Maybe I’m really odd, but I am more interested in what is between a woman's ears and in her heart than just what is between her legs! However, in San Francisco, which has a much more open, mature attitude about sexuality, many of the ads are much more what I would respond to. Some examples:


"Be a lover women will remember! Open your heart, body and soul. Enhance your abilities in the art of love and sensuality. Sincere, honest."


"Need a Hug? A Good Snuggle? Pretty girls share warm fuzzies."


"Let a Wisewoman Touch You...tenderly. Honest, mature clients. "


"Tender Loving Touch - & wonderful massage by Juliet - mature, skilled, lovely. You must be 35+, sincere, evolved & bright."

"Highly Skilled Sensualist available for exceptional massage. Incall: Relaxing & very private. Petite, sexy brunette, caring and highly creative."


The best shortest ad: "Diana Sensual Caregiver (phone)"

A creative ad has a picture of a nude woman with three cats on her body. Ad says "Kitty Kat Escorts - We purr for perfection. Be pawed by the best - let us cum play with you."

The Bad News: Many Sex Worker Scams

It seems that especially in Phoenix, (See Phoenix Reviews) a conservative city where sex is more shameful than in many parts of California, I've been told how hard it is to find honest sex workers with any integrity. Many just want to take advantage of men and charge a fortune for just modeling or dancing when the men expect much more. For example I’ve been told of Lisa who is very typical of the con artists in Phoenix that prey on men. Her ad states: "I offer more than you can handle! $115 Total Price - No Games - Flat Rate Escort, Satisfaction Guaranteed." One man reports that the flat rate covers looking at her at a distance in some not very revealing lingerie. For her to get nude would cost another $100 and anything else would cost more.

You would think these con artists would get tired of so many unhappy customers. But who is the man going to complain to? Hardly the police or the Better Business Bureau! You can get a lot more intimacy and good touch in the nude clubs I review for $30 or so, vs. hundreds with these dishonest sex scams. There are many successful sex workers but they don’t need to advertise and take the risks of both new clients and the law. But newer workers and customers have to resort to the highly risky ads. At least it beats picking up streetwalkers since the risk there is also physical in addition to the risk to your wallet being emptied with no satisfaction.

My Idea of an Ideal Sex Worker

An attractive, not over weight, but not necessarily gorgeous woman whose heart and soul are larger than her body. A woman who wants to offer and enjoys quality intimacy with clients that will want to return since she is honest and reasonably priced (not over $150 for full service if legal, and about $100 for about an hour of intimacy without full service). She is a warm caring spirit that enjoys her work, loves men and wants to satisfy just like some of the nude dancers I recommend.

She would be intelligent and open in her sharing about her self-what she likes etc. She appreciates and enjoys good touch rather than groping. She is busy with lots of satisfied clients but is not too busy. She uses a voice mail not a pager. I currently do not know of any such woman in Phoenix, but would be interested in finding some. Since I’m not that desperate for sex,  I hope others will share both their good and bad experiences which I will publish. . Of course I’d only recommend services which are legal.
Realizing the special problems sex workers face in our society, I usually don't publish names/phones of individual recommendations without their permission. I will however, widely publish and warn others about the rip offs like Lisa who give sincere, honest sex workers, that do have more integrity, a bad reputation. Sadly most sex workers in Phoenix are such rip offs, (See separate Phoenix Report) advertising more than just modeling or dance but offer no more.

For Further Information or Support
 

Dave has studied sexual issues for many years and some of his most meaningful experiences have been in helping female sexual abuse victims reclaim their sexuality as well sharing meaningful intimacy with a variety of women. He promotes positive, other centered, loving, intimacy and sexuality.

Dave co founded Liberated Christians, exposing the false translation of biblical texts into English and the reasons behind the false sex-negative teachings that have been so destructive in our culture. Liberated Christians is developing a network of couples around the country who seek to encourage one another regarding practicing loving intimacy, and positive sexuality integrated with Christianity. Non-Christians also like our ideas on more caring intimacy and our views on sexuality being far more than just intercourse. While our purpose is to help primarily Christians to deal with biblical sexual issues, we welcome all sincere couples seeking caring, loving intimacy - even those who know they were "born right the first time." Contact Dave for newsletters and extensive reports on such topics as Responsible Non-Monogamy and High Touch Intimacy Not Just Sex.

Dave is trained in Esalen Massage (its so nice to be kneaded), sex surrogacy techniques, and has had many experiences with The Human Awareness Network, founded by Stan Dale, "Love, Intimacy & Sexuality" workshops, learning and experiencing the group dynamics of true love, intimacy and fulfilling sexuality far beyond just thrusting intercourse.

Dave is neither God’s gift to women or a stud-just a loving caring middle aged (50) single man that enjoys sharing caring intimacy with women. Other topics Dave can discuss include transgender issues, B&D/S&M, aging issues, female sexual responses, male impotence, G-Spot stimulation and female ejaculation. He has a Sybian machine both for women's sexual enjoyment as well as a therapeutic tool in helping women that have difficulty achieving deeper, more fulfilling G-spot orgasms.

Dave offers friendship and support for those in the sex industry as well as other women or couples seeking to explore intimacy. To contact Dave  to get info on Liberated Christians,  E-mail: dave@davephx.com

This discussion of sex work is the personal view of Dave and does not necessarily represent the views of other leaders of Liberated Christians or Fellowship group members.

The LEGALITY OF PROSTITUTION AROUND THE WORLD Source: Climax Times


The word's oldest profession is actually not illegal in many countries of the world. However, the legal status of prostitution can be complicated. In regions where prostitution is legal it is often only a small portion of prostitution activities that are allowed, and much or even most of it may remain criminal. In some countries such as Italy and England prostitution itself may be legal but virtually all forms of practicing it are not. In other countries it many be technically illegal, but widely tolerated such as in Thailand and Japan.

Even in places where prostitution is legal the restraints on it nay be such that the majority of prostitution in that area still occurs illegally In Canada prostitution itself is legal but it is illegal, however to communicate in public (i.e. solicit), to work for or own or patronize a brothel. In short, this means that only independents who take calls at home, and not on a cell phone by the way, and then go on an outcall, are not breaking any laws. In Mexico, prostitution is legal in special "zones of tolerance" and local cab drivers always know where these are located.

At least some forms of prostitution are legal in many continental European countries such as France, Germany, Switzerland, Scandinavia, and the Netherlands where prostitutes even have a union. In England, it is technically legal but it is not legal to solicit or to advertise, nor is it legal to run a brothel. It's legal in much of Australia, in Singapore, and in several South American countries including Brazil and Venezuela.

If you are in an area where prostitution is illegal and you have any doubts as to whether the person you are dealing with might be a law enforcement officer, think with the big head instead of the little one and walk away from the situation. Although there is no official definition of legalized or decriminalized prostitution, most references use the term "legalization" to refer to any system that specifically allows some prostitution.

Many, or most, societies that allow legal prostitution do so by giving the state control over the lives and businesses of those who work as prostitutes. Legalization often includes special taxes for prostitutes, restricting prostitutes to working in brothels or in certain zones, licenses, and registration of prostitutes and government records of individual prostitutes, and health checks, which have historically been used to control and stigmatize prostitutes.

Prostitutes' rights organizations use the term "decriminalization" to mean the removal of laws against prostitution, in whole or in part. Decriminalization is usually used to refer to total decriminalization, that is, the total repeal of laws against consensual adult sexual activity, in both commercial and non-commercial contexts. In decriminalized systems, prostitution businesses would be regulated through civil codes including business and labor codes, standard zoning regulations, occupational health and safety codes, just as they are applied to any other businesses, so that prostitutes and clients could conduct business either in brothels or through private arrangement if they choose. Existing criminal laws targeting abuse or coercion would also be applied in cases of violence or exploitation if associated with prostitution. The World Charter of the International Committee for Prostitutes' Rights calls for decriminalization of all aspects of adult prostitution resulting from individual decision, stating that there should be no special law which implies systematic zoning of prostitution, and that prostitutes should have the freedom to choose their place of work and residence and provide thc services under conditions determined by themselves and no one else.

Now one of the questions that most often comes in when the reasons for legalization of prostitution is discussed is the matter of disease. One of the main arguments today against the legalization of prostitution is that it would increase the rates of sexually transmitted diseases, in particular the fatal disease AIDS. However, there has been numerous studies about the incidence of AIDS and prostitution and the results of many of these studies are fairly consistent and indicate that outside of East Africa, the prevalence of HIY in sex workers is generally only a few percent, and not significantly different than the HIV incidence in the population as a whole. While prostitution per se is not a significant risk factor for acquiring HIV infection, IV drug use is, and a significant portion of workers are also IV drug users. Men who use prostitutes do have a higher risk of acquiring HIV but only if they have other sexually transmitted diseases, or engage in other high risk behaviors such as anal sex without a condom. If you have no

STD's, use a condom, and avoid sex workers with needle marks in the arms, your risk is probably no greater than your risk of getting AIDS from your girlfriend or mistress. If you have a history of STDs, don't use a condom, and use sex workers who are known IV. drug users, you have automatically increased your risk of catching AIDS or another STD.
The risk of catching any STD from prostitutes, in fact, is fairly small if you use a condom. You should use condom at all times, including when you receive oral sex. You should avoid giving a prostitute oral sex. You may not like this advice, but you are taking a big risk if you go unprotected. In any case, if you frequent prostitutes, get regular checkups from a doctor. Tell your doctor that you are engaging in behavior that "puts you at risk for Sexually Transmitted Disease". You don't have to give him any more details, but he needs to know this much.
Another reason often given for preventing the legalization of prostitution is that it is a degrading and demeaning activity for those involved. There is nothing inherently degrading about consensual and non-coerced adult sexual activity just because money is exchanged. It would depend on the people and circumstances involved. "Degrading" is in the eye of the beholder. Some sex workers feel they are subjecting themselves to "voluntary rape," and some enjoy their work. For many it is probably "just a job." as many other jobs are. One particularly good answer to this question comes from Norma Jean Almodovar in her book "Cop to Call Girl: Why I Left the LAPD to Make an honest Living as a Beverly Hills Prostitute".
She writes "That really depends on the individual involved or how one views sex. It was not degrading to me because I think that sex is a positive, nurturing act, and whether it is given out of love or rendered as a service, as long as it is consensual it is still positive. I cannot fathom how one could think that making another human being feel good for a fee could be degrading or demeaning unless it is degrading to make other people feel good."
Sex worker and writer Veronica Monet wrote that "The popular feminist view that a woman is degraded by a paid sex act with a man is in itself inherently sexist. If a woman can be degraded by sex, then she is a piece of property which loses value with use. A human being never loses value by engaging in a productive, profitable, and pleasurable act." It is still the basic stupidity of the archaic sex laws which keep prostitution as an illegal activity in this country and the other countries where it is prohibited