Why do so many men pay for sexworkers even with legal risks
in the US?
The sought after "GFE" (Girl Friend Experience)
Jolee who has an excellent informational website at
I've actually had quite a few clients explain it to me this way: "I want to
be with a woman, I want to touch her and have sex with her. I want to have
a wonderful time with her, and for the time we're together, I want it to feel
like I care for her and she cares for me. BUT, in the morning, I want to wake
up alone in my bed, I want to go in to my office, and I DO NOT want to have
to worry about calling someone in the morning or about going home to be grilled
about what I did with my friends Friday night. I want the physical pleasure
without the responsibility of a relationship, and I'm willing to pay for it."
A therapist who recovered from his own sexual abuse says:
As a therapist, I come across a lot of the worst case scenarios, where histories
of horrible childhood sexual abuse, relief-seeking drug addiction, and need
for high income lead women (and some men) into degrading forms of prostitution
which put their lives (and though STDs, other lives) at risk. It is the perception
that they are *only* sexual objects and are worthwhile only in that way which
reproduces the pattern of childhood abuse.
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and as an abnormally horny adult male,
I still believe that prostitution is a perfectly good way to cope with a number
of issues...lack of sex, resulting frustration and aggression, self-esteem
issues, etc. I have realized that any adult in our country chooses their profession
for a number of reasons, healthy and otherwise. It certainly took me a hell
of a long time to get a handle on why I became a therapist. Yet psychotherapy
is not outlawed because some therapists don't have their heads and bodies
together. Instead, there are measures taken to regulate the practices and
ethics of the profession. This opens the door to social over control, but
is necessary for common safety.
The best case scenario is one in which prostitutes and their customers interact
in shame-free tansactions in which both gain an improved quality of life.
Making it legal would sure help, but I don't see our society being that courageous
or honest anytime soon.
An article from Australia where prostitution is legal in licensed brothels
is interesting exploring the type of men that go to brothels:
The Deakin University study found there were two types of brothel client.
About 60 per cent visited prostitutes in a straightforward business-like way,
but the rest wanted to have an emotional involvement with a sex worker.
It also found that the most common reason for visiting brothels was that sex
was less complicated than with a partner. Nearly 80 per cent said they visited
brothels due to a high sex drive, with the next most common response a desire
for sexual variety.
About a third of the men said visiting prostitutes was the only way they could
have sex. More than two thirds visited brothels at least once a month.
Undertaken by the university's Professor of Psychology, Ms Marita McCabe,
and Mr. Luke Xantidis, the study surveyed clients of two legal brothels, compared
with men who did not visit brothels.
Professor McCabe said there were few significant differences between men who
visited brothels and those who did not. Most clients seemed ``remarkably normal''
and both groups were just as likely to have families.
She said it appeared more ``decent blokes'' rather than ``sleazy types'' were
using brothels since they had been legalised. ``We found two groups, one was
the socially inept, shy and withdrawn. The other group was the type of client
who saw it as a business transaction. They were OK in their relationships
with women, but saw it as a novelty.
``With those guys it's convenient. They don't have time for a genuine relationship
and it's a business relationship, paying a woman for a sexual encounter with
no complications at all.''
The socially inept went to prostitutes for relationships because they found
it difficult to form them normally, she said. ``Men with difficulties in social
interaction may escape into using prostitutes, rather than developing social
skills. It can cost them a fortune, spending all their money to support an
inadequacy within themselves.''
The survey found that by far the biggest trigger for visiting a brothel was
that the men were ``feeling aroused''. Other less common reasons were loneliness
The study concluded that it demonstrated ``that men visit sex workers not
only for sexual activities that their partner does not provide, but also to
fulfill certain psychological needs, such as the need for intimacy and excitement''.
A second study by the Macfarlane Burnet Centre for Medical Research found
that prostitutes' clients had an average age of 42 and about half were married
or in a defacto relationship.
About 40 per cent had tertiary qualifications and half earned less than $60,000
Eight per cent of the more than 300 respondents saw prostitutes once a week
About 60 per cent were also having sex with a regular female partner as well
as sex workers.
A third of those surveyed said they used prostitutes because they wanted ``good
sex''. others liked the convenience of sex without commitment (20 per cent),
the companionship (15 per cent) or to relieve their sexual frustration (13
The Sought after "GFE" (Girl Friend Experience)
Many men simply seek what on newsgroups and review board is called GFE
GFE is "Girl Friend Experience" like renting a girl friend for the hour instead
of the more cold, detached "hooker" type pro. Obviously many of us seek this
GFE, not a pro like most in Nevada or in brothels such as Amsterdam etc.
Most importantly, a GFE is natural, not mechanical or forced. No matter what
kind of play is desired it should feel like 'the real thing'
But GFE is defined differently by different people. For me, GFE involves having
an emotional and intellectual connection with a provider like you would with
a real girlfriend, not just a body for physical sex. Some define it by what
things a provider will do such as kiss. But I've experienced very mechanical
kisses and relate it more to that "connection" on a deeper level than only
the body, even if only for the moment, is paid for and you may not meet her
In the GFE I seek, I especially enjoy caring high touch intimacy, stoking,
massaging, holding her, caressing her trying to relate to her inner spirit
via high tender touch not a body to have sex with. Combine this GFE intimacy
and sensual sexuality and I really enjoy the experience.
I feel I can share GFE as a sincere "Universal Love" for the women as a
person, soul and body even if its a paid relationships and even if I will
never see her again. It is a human interaction experience with
physical intimacy and sexual pleasure that enriches our spirit and body.
Even in Asia, with no verbal communications I can tell when touch and sensuality
is responded to and its sincere enjoyable interaction between two souls, not
just purely body sensual. Obviously it doesn't happen with every women, but
for years I've been amazed at the response I often get in wherever I have
the opportunity for this type of interaction.
While there are many wonderful exceptions, from my own experiences and
from being active on many review boards, it seems clear few American providers
offer this. The attitude in the U.S. is often "oh, I save all emotions for
my boyfriend". This contrasts sharply with women I've met from many other
cultures in Europe, Latin America and Asia, that seem so much more open to
sharing GFE and the type of intimacy, caring, universal love for the moment,
that many men seek instead of just great mechanical sex.
The reasons are quite obvious. Most other cultures don't have the repressive
sexual attitudes that we do in the U.S. In the U.S. it seems sex is so dirty
you have to save it for marriage - and then we wonder why so many women are
so sexually unsatisfied in marriage since good sexuality is learned by experience
with knowledgeable lovers not sexual ignorance.
So many women confirm the average American man doesn't have clue about sexual
pleasure giving to the women. Again their are many exceptions and many men
that want to learn better intimate sexual skills. But who is going to teach
them? Without the legal issues and more of the right women providing sexwork,
they could also teach men sexual skills.
Often foreign women are much more naturally open, intimate and provide easy
GFE which is often totally foreign to most U.S. women. There are of course
exceptions of wonderful GFE providers in the U.S. and hard business only pro
foreign women. But in my "studies" of providers in various parts of the world,
as well as for example in Los Angeles, Phoenix and San Francisco, where you
have lots of foreign women at hostess and strip clubs etc., my overwhelming
experience is this obvious difference in cultures. From my trip to Thailand
( see extensive report at sexwork.com) it is clear why it is "The Land of
Smiles" vs. all the frowns and sexual tension in the U.S.
There are many U.S. providers that even with the legal repression that the
religious right (oxymoron) insists on who are enjoy providing healthy wholesome
sexwork despite the sickness of our society where all sorts of violence is
sport (cut heads off movies, boxing, wrestling) but wonderful sexuality and
sharing universal love with another human soul is a crime.
While some women sexworkers have similar "universal love" views, follows is
a newsgroup exchange I (Dave in Phoenix) had with providers that separate
emotions from the business of being a provider. The providers happen
to be in Canada so at least they don't have the legal issues of the U.S.
I haven't done any sex work except briefly on the phone, it seems to
me that it would be way too much to ask, way too hard on a woman to really
"let in" each of her clients.
Yes this is the common attitude in the U.S culture. Actually you will not
have a BFE....get it... with all of your clients no matter how open you are
to it, just like I don't always have a GFE with women I meet. The chemistry
has to be right between two people for it to happen. It isn't something you
can "try" and do. For some women (especially foreign in my experience) it
comes naturally and easy with more clients than in the U.S. culture.
Another sexworker says:
Seems like the physical wear and tear would be compounded by emotional wear
and tear... If you see enough clients to actually make a living at it, how
many pieces of your heart would you have left for your own?
Again...that is how most U.S. women look at it. Your heart is only limited
in size, you will suffer emotional wear and tear if you let too many men in.
My view which isn't better or worse than yours, just how I view it is that
love is without limits. Love expands love, it doesn't take away from anyone
else. I believe I can sincerely "love", share and care about any women I'm
with at the moment without being emotionally worn. And I enjoy expressing
that in caring touch which to me is an important part of GFE. BUT as
I said above their also has to be some chemistry both emotional, spiritual
perhaps for some, maybe some intellectual if you are together enough as well
There is a difference if you were a counselor who heard everyone's problems
all day long. Then you would have to maintain a professional emotion distance
or yes it could be very damaging give the person emotional ware and tear.
But I don't look at love as draining and wear and tear. I see it is something
again on a universal type love level, not the same as with a husband or prime
relationship, as wonderful and beautiful which expands and adds to my own
sprit and emotion (if I was the provider) not take away part of my heart.
Universal love is limitless. But it also has to come from the heart and that
isn't a concept most in our culture seem to grasp. This concept is the basis
of polyamory relationships that many people seek, but its more deep and lasting
unlike sexworker interactions.
Maybe I'm just the weird one with these ideas, although I've seen it expressed
more and more. And I've had many wonderful experience that I perceive as this
with many sexworkers whether they be lap dancers, hostesses club women, full
service escorts or a massage or bargirl in Thailand or the Philippines. Maybe
my thinking is too idealistic, but its what I experience and try and share.
I am also amazed more along with your thoughts of some full service escorts
I know in Phoenix that are very popular because they are GFE, and have many
clients a day. But each client has the full attention for the hour and the
provider in very honest discussion say they very much enjoy the interactions,
at least with most clients, just as much it seems as the clients do.
I've always had this issue of never believing a provider is actually enjoying
sex and whenever she seems to have an orgasm I assume she is faking it. But
with some I've gotten to know better, I am slowly being convinced it is true.
Sharing loving touch, caressing, massaging, having a "universal love" connection
seems a lot less wearing than having lots of sex. However, providers also
tell me having the "connection" makes sex more enjoyable,....which makes sense
whether your a hooker or a real girlfriend. Hookers are also human :) and
can feel tenderness and love and receive it also, in my experience and view.
Not all men seek GFE experiences either. As one man said:
Well for me, I'm no more looking for the reality of a caring relationship
from a sex worker than I look for the reality of a death scene from an actor.
I'm just looking for a good fake out, not the real thing. :)
Another man wisely adds:
I don't think one has to have a GFE with a sex worker to validate what Dave
is talking about. However sex work may be a more extreme case of how being
considerate to a stranger can be a "heart" experience. Every day we have the
choice of shutting down to the people we meet casually, ie super market clerks,
bus drivers, clients, customers, etc or opening up to them a little, ie giving
them a smile, a word of appreciation, a joke, etc. When I do the latter, it
makes me feel good and a little more connected to the person I interacted
with. I would offer the hypothesis, at least, that these interactions are
authentic, not superficial.
Applying this to what Dave said about his interactions with sex workers does
not seem to me to be a big leap. Given how men are conditioned to feel about
buying sexual services, it is no wonder that they are often inconsiderate
and unpleasant, or at best detached or shut down. In our culture buying sex
is considered humiliating, and I think men either shut down or are rude to
deal with their feelings of humiliation. Then there is the frustration of
paying for a brief experience of the physical beauty and or sexual attention
they wish they could have in their lives from wives or girl friends. Finally,
I think many men are concerned with getting enough "bang for their buck" if
you will. In any business or interaction it is unpleasant to deal with people
who are just focused on what they are getting and not at all on what they
might give in return.
This is a problem that is not limited to sex work, but is pervasive in any
of the professions that help people with life problems, ie law, health care,
therapy. Professionals need to be able to deal with transference. They need
to be compassionate without absorbing the pain of their clients into their
lives. Since these are difficult things to do, some last longer than others.
And some simply do a lousy job.
A sexworker says:
I tend to see these men for an hour or so. Even the regulars I see usually
less than weekly, maybe twice a month. One of the requirements for true intimacy
is the time for it to grow and blossom. Two hours a month isn't much time.
Sure, eventually I get to know and get comfortable with my regulars, to befriend
them and know them as people, and to care about them. That's just not as possible
with someone I see less often or only once.
Secondly, many have relationships. They do not come to me for emotional attachment,
but a physical experience.
Third, when I am working, my entire being is focused on the man and giving
him the maximum pleasure I can. My wants, desires do not interfere. This isn't
how it works for a girlfriend. If I switched to a girlfriend role, the man
would probably be disappointed, as he would be getting the same experience
he can get in his relationship.
When I see these men, I am warm, friendly, accessible, accepting. I don't
just rush them in and out. I try to make their visit a very pleasant experience.
I think this is what so many mean by GFE. Many women in the biz don't bother,
it's "I'm here, lets' get ths over with." attitude.
A U.S. Sexworker with the U.S. legal situation says:
I would imagine that the "sensitivity" that allows someone to be caring, understanding,
and compassionate for a steady stream of strangers would also make it difficult
to withstand all of the crap the comes along with current climate that sex
workers find themselves in. It seems to me that, in an ideal world, sex work
would be divided between those primarily seeking sexual release and those
primarily seeking comfort and compassion. But, alas, we do not appear to live
in an ideal world.
I do beleive that part of the reason sex workers are sometimes so cold is
self-preservation. When I see a man for the first time, the primary things
in my mind are preservation of my physical self and my liberty, constantly
on alert for any signs the man is a psycho or a cop. Under those conditions
it's real difficult to relax enough to be warm and compassionate.
A Sexworker Experience Better than Any Therapist for Far More than "just"
great sex at $130/hr
This is a great example how sexworkers can provide so much more than just
sex for clients. I am sharing this very personal account with the writers
permission. This kind of human interaction and powerful emotional help is
very common. Interesting this "hands on" caring interaction often is far better
than any Psychologist can offer with all their degrees and clinical experience.
I want to share a story with you.
This confidential note (he has since granted me permission to make this public)
is to thank you for sexwork.com and the tremendous good it's done for me.
Frankly, it was my first time with a provider - I'm in my late thirties, divorced
and my long-denied biology (and psychological need, I suppose) had finally
reached a point where I HAD to do something about it, regardless of my strict
Catholic upbringing and serious reservations about certain issues surrounding
the activity (e.g., abortion).
I saw xxxx . Very sweet and authentic, matter-of-fact about the mechanics,
and understanding (I happen to have a physical handicap affecting one of my
legs). She also mentioned to me, great conversationalist that she is, that
she had been favorably impressed with the quality of clientele stemming from
Internet postings. In fact, I saw her twice in a 6-day span.
I felt it was my duty as a gentleman, so during the first visit I brought
a red rose for her, some wine and a bag of rare coffee I had brought with
me from a trip abroad. Mind you: I am perfectly aware I am one of many, many
others, but my readings on the issue tell me that you get what you put in,
and frankly, I strongly believe in treating others as human beings, regardless
of their background. She seemed quite pleased, and later commented: "you're
a sweety". Starved as I am for affection, I proceeded to give hugs during
our time together, which she was gracious to give back. Stayed a while, she
did quite some talking about her life, her occupation, eye-opening things
After my first visit, I was flying high, driving down the open highway feeling
the wind rush by - a tremendous taste of freedom. I felt I had become a man
of the world, so to speak.
The day before departing, I offered to take her out to dinner, carefully explaining
I was simply looking for conversation and some company, nothing else, and
that we could, if she was willing, go back to her place "like before" (to
make it worthwhile for her but not to seem pushy). She said she couldn't but
to call her at 9p.m. - I thought she was just dismissing me. I decided not
to call her, but shortly after 9 I couldn't resist it any longer and called
her, at least to thank her for seeing me once. Astonishingly for me, she said
I could stop by (even though she told me she goes to bed at 10 p.m. every
day). I practically flew to her place.
Again, had a great session, she requested no kissing; fine, no problem. I
offered to give her a back rub as she complained of back pain sometime during
our previous chat. Here's where the touch connection comes in (as you're into
touching, I think you might be able to shed some light on what happened next):
after my clumsy attempts to soothe her, she said that she could tell from
my touch several things about my character - I was appalled to hear a 100%
accurate description of my problems, hangups, unresolved issues in my life.
I was incredulous that she could gather so much info and give me this clinical
diagnosis after a couple of encounters. She was right on the money, even about
things I had not told her. And vulnerable as I am at this junction in my life,
I felt apart right there and then. I guess I was lying there naked in body
and spirit, in front of another presence that was non-judgmental and understanding.
She proceeded to counsel me and give me specific advice on joining a help
organization, similar to AA (although drinking is not one of my problems),
other suggestions and insights I couldn't get from my psychologist (whom I
saw for several months prior to my divorce). I left there close to midnight,
promising her (as she asked me) to write her with my progress. I'm still quite
shaken by this experience, and this kind of - should I say the word? ... intimacy...
how is this possible? Have you heard other stories like this before? I had
gone through another crisis almost 20 years ago, and again, it was a woman
who reached down to me, in a similar fashion, when nobody else would or could
(and not exactly a virtuous woman, but a promiscuous housewife with a horror
story of a life!).
Part of my Response and my own history:
Your "story" is not that unusual in the response to intimacy etc...she also
has lots of experience including lots of older men with various physical limitations
I understand. She also proved that sometimes a caring women (yes some sexworkers
are) can be better on human relations and Psy than many of the well trained
medical Psy's with all their degrees and book learning.
Sort of reminds me of my own experience 25 yrs ago as a traditional conservative
Christian being very lonely, went to a "Jesus People Church" (big movement
in 70s) and being even more lonely finding they spent so much time reaching
up to God, instead of reaching out to people. With fear and trepidation thinking
it must be the devil himself, being lonely especially for a woman's touch,
I went to a strip club just a block away from Jesus People Church. I had one
of the most wonderful experiences with good touch that I had had for years.
And to top it off, one of the dancers was a close (including sexual) friend
of the Jesus People Minister! That sort of started on my more serious look
at Christian sexual values and confirmed my need and ability to connect with
good intimate touch. I sincerely felt it was a sign to explore the sexual/intimacy/Christian
teachings more seriously. And as they say...the rest is history.
Like you I was "flying" afterwards about both the enjoyment of the physical
experience and that I really felt I had experince so much more real human
caring from a stripper than a Church and remarkably didn't feel at all bad
My experienced/need was more limited to the physical intimacy vs Psy area
other than such a positive experience right after the bad Church experience
(which led me to the club) made me be convinced I should not have any guilt
over it. Actually I sort of felt guilty not feeling guilty...about it.
Totally anonymously I'd love to include parts of your message since I think
it is powerful in showing sexwork isn't always JUST for sex and the need for
intimacy and how even a "hooker" can offer very good positive human interaction
even more than just the purely physical.
Thanks for sharing... OK for me to share anonymously of course?
Dave in Phoenix
Follow up note after I shared some ideas and asked permission to share his
You have my blessing to share my story. She did make me feel like a special
person; I guess a higher power (God, if you wish) has many faces. That night,
in Phoenix, AZ, it was xxxx's.
Another Sexworker replies to question what most men want, just sex or GFE:
In my experience, the majority have wanted a GFE. That includes all levels
of intimacy from talking about events of the day to sharing our life stories,
Some were much better at providing a BFE which made it easier and more enjoyable
for me to give them the GFE they'd been looking for. And I made sure they
got it, too. :o)
In the last year, I've had 4 or 5 people tip me more than my requested fee.
I had one person bring me a rose and another brought me a teddy bear. One
friend brought candy, and a few included cards along with their fee. I've
had only 2 people use candles to make our meeting place more intimate. One
person brought candles, a CD of music he compiled just for our meeting and
even a low-watt light bulb in case the room needed it for a more romantic
mood. All of those little acts of kindness meant a lot to me.
I'll never forget the friends who went out of their way to be extra nice to
me. Their thoughtfulness meant more than they realize. The things my friends
did for me could be considered "little" tokens of affection but they were
priceless to me. I've saved the cards, the teddy bear, the rose stem after
the petals fell off and the candle holder after the candle burned away. I
play the CD my special friend made for me when I want to remember that special
night. I'm misty-eyed as I type this. :' )
I've met several people who weren't as kind and gentle as I'd hoped they would
be. Pre-screening helps me to avoid a lot of the selfish types, but a few
have gotten through my safety net anyway. I simply refuse to meet with them
again. I also warn other providers that this one will short you on your fee,
that one doesn't care if he's too rough, this one spooked me, etc. I report
that because "he" treated me this way doesn't mean he'll do the same thing
to you, but at least the other provider will be making an informed decision
and know what to be careful of.
Leah (from asp public posting)
And Yet Another from a female providers view:
It's a good thing that this hobby exists, whether their bedrooms at home are
empty or whether they just feel that way. A friend of mine told me of when
he started going to massage parlors and his wife should have known because
of his relaxation at home. "I went from being keyed up and would get angry
and frustrated over the little things before I went there to relaxed and happy
to play with the kids and listen to her talk of the new curtains that were
on sale," he recalled. There is a touch that we, as escorts, provide. We make
them feel safe enough to drop their pants and talk about what they want. To
hear a lot of them tell it, they can't do it anywhere else.
Of all the things that make this hobby the world's oldest profession, surely
the most basic is the commodified desire of the client. A few months ago,
there was a debate on TBD about the economic need that leads women to escorting.
I doubt that for any escort, this need isn't irrelevent. But for all the talk
of "selling our bodies" (which is ridiculous becsause we still have our bodies
at the end of the transaction), there has been little said about the client's
body, the client's role.
I gave up trying to explain to close friends that the client's role wasn't
an abusive one. This hasn't been my experience at all. In fact, I've experienced
many clients as much more pleasant and respectful than a lot of men that I've
met at bars looking for a one-night stand. Most of what I read is aimed at
the escort and little is written about the men and their part in the transaction,
their motives. When the media in Western Michigan were looking to do a piece
on this hobby, they didn't even touch on this subject. Perhaps, they were
correct in doing so because their audience doesn't want to hear it. Middle-Class
women, in particular, don't want to look at their husbands as 'johns'....though
escorts know better.
There is no big secret to why men pay for erotic entertainment. Men just want
sex. Isn't that natural? But not all clients want the ame things, nor do they
want them for the same reasons.
First, let me give a background as to who I am. Although, I'm active in the
sex worker's community and movement, I've never escorted full-time, never
on the streets, never had to advertise, and never have engaged in aggressive
client screening. As an educated woman who entered the hobby recently and
am over thirty, I have been largely protected from both police and bad experiences.
Most of my hobby-friends have been upper-middle-class professional men, ages
thirty-five and older. They have been lawyers, engineers, computer geeks,
and various other normal professions. Most are married and parents. I began
doing this for the same reason nearly all of us do: for the money. But I've
stayed at it for various reasons. I am still curious about the men, fascinated
by their stories and the hobby itself. As a single mom, I use the money to
survive, to invest in things that will pay me long-term benefits. There is
a drunkenness of pleasure I feel with each hobby-friend. Part of me falls
in love with each one. It what makes the GFE so real, for both parties. I
have an intense fear of relationships and yet enjoy the intimacy of sexual
relations. For now, this hobby is perfect for me.
So, back to what the men want. Blow jobs - but you already knew that. There
is a common agenda that is followed with most sessions. I don't mean to insinuate
that the men are the same. No hobby-friend is like any other. Yet, it shows
the sexuality of the mainstream, and their motivations.
CONVENIENCE: Men see escorts because they can. The entire sex industry from
peep shows to pornos exist to get guys laid. The men who have figured out
the system and learned where escorts are, how to contact them, and the code
words and rules involved, know that sex can be scheduled and arranged almost
as easily as ordering pizza. For some men, being able to schedule sex beats
every other alternative. In a society and geographical area where time is
money, this is an important factor for many of my hobby-friends. They are
attactive, vibrant guys who are in touch with their sensuality and could easily
pick up women for sex with free drinks at a local bar. Part of my attractiveness
to men like this lies in the fact that arranging sex with me entails less
negotiation and no bullshit. Knowing that I'll say yes and may initiate is
easier on the ego and the stopwatch.
BOUNDRIES: As a 'pay-for-play' arrangement, there are certain boundries to
the relationship that exist that hobby enthusiasts enjoy. It gives both people
space away fromt he usual assumptions that come with nonprofessional couplings.
My hobby-friends don't have to worry about me calling at 3AM, try to undermine
his marriage, or worse. We both know what my purpose is in their life. They
are happy to stop at an ATM to avoid their own Monica Lewinsky headaches.
This boundary also helps some clients feel comfortable enough to say what
they want sexually. They can place their pizza orders without fear of what
anyone thinks about them. They can live out fantasies that they'd be embarrassed
to admit to others. Also, there is less guilt for some men if there is no
intimacy. For others, it is the shared intimacy without repercussions that
is the attraction.
PARTNER VARIETY: Just because most of my hobby-friends are married or otherwise
partnered, doesn't mean that they have automatic access to sex or, if they
do, they may still want to do that thing that sociobiologists say all men
naturally want to do, namely, spread their seed far and wide. Never mind that
their seed is collected in latex or that I have five years of protection in
my arm against this. Presumably that instinct is temporarily sated when a
man fucks a new person and this hobby feeds that need. For some, a new partner
represents a new adventure, even if he goes through the same motions each
time he has sex. It may be much like in the adolescent years where the numbers
represent some sort of proof of manhood.
SEXUAL VARIETY: I'm sure that some people engage in essentially the same sexual
practices over and over throughout the years and are very happy and satisfied,
but others like more variation and this hobby allows men to easily negotiate
for this. Many of my hobby-friends want something that's not on the menu at
home. I don't think it's that an escort has some innate ability to perform
sexual acts better than an amatuer. I think it's that an escort is not only
willing, but does it with enthusiasm and enjoyment. In some cases, the hobbiest
has divergent sexual interests that are not welcome in their own bedrooms.
Anal play, S/M, from Greek to Dining, there some erotic facet of their being
is rejected by their partners (or they have never found the courage to bring
it up at home). The entire sexual industry provides a safety for this everyday
divergence of variety.
THE MALE ROLE: Visiting an escort allows a man to call the sexual shots. In
that sense, it facilitates him to live out the 'Me-Tarzan' fantasy of getting
what he wants. But for others, the ability to lie back and receive from a
sexually aggressive woman is what is sought. Both of these needs are why a
good BBBJ is so desperately appreciated.
SEXUAL GROWTH AND EXPERIMENTATION: Although, much like Sexual Variety, there
is also the man who wants to simply try new things. He wants to play and explore.
Sometimes, he's bored with the old in-and-out missionary stuff and sees an
escort as a guide to the unknown sexual pleasures that he's been missing.
This is something that I identify with greatly because I have participated
in this often. It's the next level to thinking about it, reading about it,
cruising the dark areas of the web, and then finally living it out.
PERSONAL COMFORT AND HEALING: Occasionally, I have felt as though I was engaging
in sexual therapy or surrogacy. It's probably the most challenging and the
most rewarding. Men, who have no other source of sexual comfort for whatever
reason, visit an escort as an escape. Some men spend their 'fun-money' on
golfing, bars, strip clubs, hunting, etc. Others find visiting an escort as
In a perfect world, the sex industry would either vanish and all sexual diversities
would be accepted, or it would go aboveground and be safe for both parties
and be fully accessible. In a less-than-perfect world, it would at least be
tolerated and overlooked. - Sue from public post on asp