Sexwork Cyber Center
By Dave in Phoenix
PO Box 55045, Phoenix AZ 85078-5045

Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality

Thailand Intimacy & Healthy (Adult) Sexuality Research Report

COPYRIGHTED 1999 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED FROM ONLY IF CREDIT IS GIVEN, and/or show link to page where material was quoted if you are getting it from our website. I request a note where it was quoted or republished or if reprinted a copy of the publication. I hope the information is helpful to many, but want to be sure it is properly credited as I try and do for all material I use.

Soi Cowboy Go Go's  Link to Map of Bars

Like Nana Plaza it is a bit overwhelming at first to have such a huge number of bars, with all the touts outside trying to get you to come in and having no basis on first visit to make intelligent choices. I tried to remember some of the bars others have mentioned in the past, but it was all sort of a blur so I sort of randomly would up in about 4 bars before doing a ST barfine.

At all the bars I had my usual…diet coke! (I joke a lot about that in my Manila report).  I have never liked the taste of beer or other drinks and prefer to have a clear head and enjoy all my experiences fully without being dulled by alcohol. I make no judgment against drinking; in fact sometimes I wished I at least liked wine. I have had no problems in bars around the world just getting diet cokes or bottled water.

From my very limited experience, Nana Plaza is more like EDESA in Manila and Soi Cowboy is somewhat more like the bars in Makati.

In some Soi Cowboy bars the girls attack you like flies with 4-6 at a time trying to touch you, massage your penis and whatever they can to get your interest. It is a bit overwhelming and you almost need a fly swatter to narrow down the choices. Often I prefer the more quiet type, often a bit more mature older women that isn't being part of the fly attack. 

I realize how hard it must be for these girls especially during slow season to "get the customer" which has potentially for them great financial rewards (their share of lady drink price and potential barfine and fee). Most bars were very crowded. BUT, it was hard to find a customer among all the bargirls! I like the odds so much in my favor, but it must be really hard on the bargirls and why some become so aggressive vs. the more laid back women, I may actually prefer.

On this my first trip to Thailand, I am very much being a butterfly and wanting to observe differences in various places in Bangkok and Pattaya. I plan to return once or twice a year and start spending more time where I like the experiences the most. But I first have to find out for myself based on my particular desires, where those best places for me are. 

Long-term it would seem best to find the bars I like the most and more or less stick to them and get to know many of the girls at a bar. On the other hand, from others reports, there seems to be a huge jealousy factor over customers the girls like, and they don't like butterflies. 

Visitors have to evaluate what is best for them since we have different interests. My interests are more the personality, the girls response to intimacy not just wild sex, and some maturity - if that can be found in bargirls. I am not looking for the perfect 10 body, since often they are the most stuck up. I tend to prefer taller and slender but I am more interest in the size of a girl's heart and enjoyment of intimacy (not just sex) than the size of her breasts. 

Implemented Dave's Bargirl Drink Rule !
I quickly implemented "Dave's bargirl drink rule" of 1 lady drink per lady and only one lady at a time. This was somewhat harder to communicate in Thailand than in the Philippines due to the language problem. 

I don't know a word of Thai and I find trying to learn foreign languages far too hard to take the huge amount of time I would require doing so. In PI, bargirl English was usually so hard to understand for me, that it wasn't much different than if it was Thai! But at least they could understand me easier than many bargirls can in Thailand. Fortunately the hostesses ( and mama's) seem to know enough English to be able to communicate with me. Maybe I'm wrong but in the bar areas that cater to foreigners, where most foreigners are probably speaking some form of English it would seem more the responsibility of the bargirl who chooses to work in such a place (vs. a local Thai bar) to learn some English (as many do) vs. the customer's responsibility to learn Thai for the few times while in Thailand it would be used. 

Someone said in reply to this:

They do know enough english to do their jobs- "Where you come from?" "Where you stay?" "You pay bar" Now if you're talking about having intimate, non-sexual conversations that's a little harder to find, though not out of the question.

Bargirls Themselves Often the Touts
Another first experience observation is at Soi Cowboy the "touts" or "Hello Girls"  are the bargirls themselves at least at some of the bars who come in with you and join you. This is different from what I experienced in the Philippines and I think at Nana where the girls lure you in but they don't stay with you. Not realizing that I didn't care how attracted I was to the tout outside I  would up with her for awhile. I kept saying I just wanting to watch the dancing, didn't' get her a drink, and mostly ignored her and she finally gave up. 

At another Soi Cowboy bar, I was quite attracted to the "hello girl" outside, who brought me in, sat with me (as 5 others also mobbed me) but had very low what I call "intimacy response" which has NOTHING to do with trying to be sexual with me.

One of my biggest problems as in PI was how to get rid of the bargirls nicely you aren't interested in so you can meet others you see that do look more interesting. Not knowing Thai makes that problem even worse. But I still survive quite well, just waste some time with the wrong companion in the bar at times.


Here is an excellent suggestion on how to get rid of the bar girl in your lap you really don't want there:

by "Mr. Wonderful" used with his permission

Dave wrote: "There is no nice polite way to say I enjoyed you but scram, I'd like to meet some of the other girls here."

Mr.Wonderful replies:

You might want to try the following method, which has worked well for me:

(1) buy a drink for the first girl, which saves face for her and usually puts her in a good mood;

(2) identify the girl you really want to meet, and politely ask the first girl a question such as "oh, what is her name?";

(3) this will frequently result in the first girl responding with something such as "you like talk my friend?," but even if not, you can still nicely ask her if her "friend" would also like to have a drink;

(4) after the second girl arrives, politely and gradually shift the focus of your attention to the second girl. The first girl will understand that you are more interested in the second girl, and will almost always accept that outcome without any problem.

In other bars the bargirls were much less attacking you. There are pros and cons to both types for me. I can sort out the mob scene fairly well (had lots of experience in PI!) But also I like to find someone that exchanges nice eye contact, smiles, etc and invite her over.

Just as in PI, its funny how excited many of the bargirls or massage girls get when they find out I am single! I would think there meet many single guys, maybe its since I'm so old they seem so surprised I'm not married and have someone to take care of me in my "old age"! BTW I am 52, which I don't see as THAT old, but it is to some of you young guys and certainly to a bargirl. When they ask my age I usually joke about being an old ancient dinosaur. When they ask "where you from" my response is getting bargirls laughing, if they understand English, here just as much as in PI.

As closing time neared, I did ST barfine a gal thinking I'd test what the typical ST situation here is vs. at Nana. The prior good report was true for me this time. We went to a ST hotel, which as I recall is immediately to the right of Soi Cowboy on the Soi 21 side for 300 Baht. The barfine was also 300B (less than at Nana) and the girl was very happy with 1000B. It was a very nice, relaxed 2-hour session which I very much enjoyed.

It was now 4am and instead of walking back to my hotel I decided to take a taxi. Driver quoted fixed fare of 100B that I thought was reasonable and I tipped 20B and the driver seemed happy.  Later I leaned this was about twice what I should have paid, but when the total cost of 120B is only $3US, I really don't feel like haggling over such a small amount.

It was interesting how many girls lined the streets at 4am. On my walk earlier I had missed the Thermae. I must have walked by it or on other side of street… I assume it's on the Soi Cowboy side. Now I know it's at Soi 15 so I hope to check it out some night I'm not doing a ST or LT barfine. 

Someone replied: These are the girls offduty from the go-gos, bars and other places around town. They come to eat, hang out with friends after work. They get off work from 2am onwards depending on the mood of police.

BTW, next time I go to Soi Cowboy I need to visit the Long Gun Bar I and II. I understand this is one of the best bars and the girls to shows and entertain instead of just stand and wiggle aka dancing..  It has been described as having shows of Patpong proportions but in a less jaded atmosphere.  Tilac Bar also is reported as being nice. 

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